Advice and Tips

Let’s talk …NO REALLY TALK

Freddy didn't want to go to school today

John failed to get into the football team, he’d been training hard getting up early before school to show his keenness but he just didn’t make it.

Freddy said he didn’t want to go to school this morning.

Why?

I just don’t like it any more.

Well you will when you get there – don’t worry, let’s get in the car.

 

Alice didn’t know what to do with her hair – it’s never right, I just want to cut it all off and hide in a bush. I am definitely not going out with my friends this evening……

Well of course you are, your hair looks fine, in need of a wash but you don’t look too bad– it matches your style – a bit grunge like.

 

John failed to get into the football team, he’d been training hard getting up early before school to show his keenness but he just didn’t make it.

‘That’s unfair and misplaced, I will go and see the sports coach this afternoon.’ replied his Mum.

 

Mum, can I give our address out on the internet – there is this really cute guy who is from around here and we thought we might meet up but I know you always prefer it when friends come over rather than hanging around – so can I ….. ……please……..

‘I should think that is ok, I am sort of busy right now but yeah ok, we’ll talk about it later’ mum replies without taking in what has been asked!

 

We often fail to Stop (think) and (truly) listen – to our kids or our friends, peers, family or colleagues!

 

We form habits and listen in negative ways – here are some examples:

 

We are distracted. We pretend to listen but actually we have a million other things on our mind and we only give half an ear; we are not really focusing.

 

We cut to the bone. We can’t really be bothered to enter into a conversation so we cut it short with a statement that stops the talker from wanting to carry on. They feel you as the listener are not interested in their well-being but want to dictate. Eventually they stop telling you things.

 

We criticize. We automatically think we have heard what is being said and jump to a conclusion before the talker has really explained himself. We bombard with advice usually blaming the other person for the situation. We think we have solved or addressed the topic but really we have failed to connect.

 

We patronize. We take over, take control of the conversation and want to ‘fix’ it. We see things as a problem and a challenge to put right, we are over protective when actually the talker wants a discussion.

 

We become ostriches: Someone is explaining a problem but the listener is refusing to see a problem and ‘buries their head in the sand’ denying that a problem exists. They appear to be very dismissive and uncaring.

 

Stop, listen and share in conversation! It will help our kids self esteem.

 

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