Internet Safety for all the family

The Internet is becoming an everyday acceptable tool for all the family. It is a wonderful educational, entertaining, communication tool when used sensibly - it can, however also be a danger if misunderstood or used unwisely.

The most dangerous places on the Internet are the chat rooms and email programmes where children can disclose information about themselves.

It is therefore important to have a set of family rules for Internet use and for that use to be a communal talking point and not an isolated hobby!

The first thing to remember when using the Internet is that it is like talking in public. In other words what ever site you visit, your chat room conversations and your emails can be seen and traced.

That's why it's so important children understand the Internet is something like a busy city street, where there are interesting buildings, people, entertainment, but also strangers and danger.


Some basic personal family rules are:

•	Keep Internet-connected computers in a communal area of your home.
•	Become an Internet user yourself.
•	Emphasise what you have already taught your children about 'Stranger Danger'.
•	Explain that passwords, addresses, PIN numbers, credit card details, phone and email details are all private and should NEVER be given to anyone.
•	Ensure your child knows NEVER to arrange to meet anyone via the Internet, because not everyone is who they say they are.
•	It is best if your child never gives any indication of their age or gender.
•	Find child-friendly chatrooms with full-time, trained moderators for your children to use.
•	Encourage your child to know that it is safe to tell you about anything found via the Internet.

What is acceptable usage of the Internet:

•	Be clear about what you consider to be unacceptable information.
•	Be clear about what is unacceptable communication.
•	Never download unknown files.
•	Agree, if necessary, who can use the Internet, and when.
•	Agree how long each person can be online.
•	Consider whether you want your family rules to apply to visiting friends and family.

Click here for more information on Acceptable Use Policies from the DfES


Being online
I'm sure everyone realizes by now, no one really knows who you are online. That 13-year-old girl could actually be a 15-year-old boy or a 45-year-old man. Whoever he or she may be, make sure your children understand not to reveal anything about themselves that would allow someone to track them down. That includes the obvious, such as full name and address, but also less obvious details such as phone number, name and location of school and where parents work.

It's also not sensible for your child to reveal his or her e-mail address.

In addition to not giving away their actual identity, it's important that your children never get together with someone they ‘meet’ online.

Don't assume this advice applies only to pre-adolescents. Yes, there are some particularly sick paedophiles who prey on young children. However, teens are victimised at a far higher rate than young children, especially when it comes to sexual crimes, according to the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children.

Teens are especially vulnerable to all sorts of exploitation because they are often going through emotional growing pains that make them easy prey for ``sympathetic'' and ``understanding'' individuals who are only too happy to give them a warm shoulder to lean on.

In addition to the issue of safety, there's the more complicated question of exposure to pornography - complicated because, to begin with, most sexually explicit material is not illegal.

How parents should respond depends on many factors, including the age of the child. Young children, for example, aren't likely to be looking for porn, but they are more likely than teenagers to be troubled if they stumble upon it. With teens, the issue isn't so much accidental exposure as it is their interest in finding it.

There is technology for filtering internet access but it is an imperfect science and not fool proof.

If you have children who chat online you might be wondering how you can protect them. The best advice is to try to keep in close touch with what they are doing online. Be especially wary if they always keep the door shut or turn off the monitor the moment you walk in the door. Still, that might not be a sign of a serious problem, but of your child's desire to maintain privacy while chatting with others. You need to judge their behaviour.


Here are two agreements you could follow, one for children and the other for parents, to show that both parties understand the seriousness of Internet use yet want to have the freedom of use for all the family.

Childrens' Agreement
1. I will not give out personal information such as my address, telephone number, parents’ work address/telephone number, or the name and location of my school without my parents’ permission

2. I will tell my parents right away if I come across any information that makes me feel uncomfortable.

3. I will never agree to get together with someone I "meet" online without first checking with my parents. If my parents agree to the meeting, I will be sure that it is in a public place and bring my mother or father along.

4. I will never send a person my picture or anything else without first checking with my parents.

5. I will not respond to any messages that are mean or in any way make me feel vunerable. It is not my fault if I get a message like that. If I do I will tell my parents right away so that they can contact the service provider.

6. I will talk to my parents so that we can set up rules for going online. We will decide upon the time of day that I can be online, the length of time I can be online, and appropriate areas for me to visit. I will not access other areas or break these rules without their permission.

7. I will not give out my Internet password to anyone (even my best friends) other than my parents

8. I will not do anything that hurts other people or is against the law.


Parents' Agreement
1. I will get to know the services and web sites my child uses. If I don't know how to use them, I'll get my child to show me how.

2. I will set reasonable rules and guidelines for computer use by my children and will discuss these rules and post them near the computer as a reminder. I'll remember to monitor their compliance with these rules, especially when it comes to the amount of time they spend on the computer.

3. I will not overreact if my child tells me about a problem he or she is having on the Internet. Instead, we'll work together to try to solve the problem and prevent it from happening again.

4. I promise not to use a PC or the Internet as an electronic babysitter.

5. I will help make the Internet a family activity and ask my child to help plan family events using the Internet.


So here are the reminders:
Make sure that your children understand the basic rules for safety, such as never giving out their name, phone number or address, and never agreeing to get together with someone they “meet” online.

It is not advisable let children access the Internet from their bedroom. All the connected computers in the house should be in a family room. You don't have to look over your childrens' shoulders whenever they're on the Net, but you could wander in and out of the room periodically.

Teenagers are actually more vulnerable to sexual assault and other crimes than younger children and they're far more likely to get together with someone they meet online. They're also a lot harder to control. Parents should talk with their teenagers about online safety and encourage them to come to you if they encounter a problem. If a teen does talk with you about a problem, don't respond by taking away Internet privileges. Congratulate your teen for bringing it to your attention, and work together on ways to prevent problems in the future.

Remember, it's not what they read or view that can get them into serious trouble. It's what they write or post.

Life Long Lessons:
It doesn’t end when your children turn 18. There are plenty of adults who have got themselves into personal, legal or financial trouble because of decisions they made that were not in their own best interest.

The need to think critically even applies to how we conduct ourselves as people and in the marketplace. People make their decisions based on 30-second sound bytes rather than studying the question or problem; a major financial decision can be based on an anonymous tip; A salesperson’s recommendation can encourage you to buy something or something read on the Internet could persuade you to do something. ALWAYS THINK BEFORE YOU PROCEED – IS THIS REALLY RIGHT FOR ME; WHERE WILL IT TAKE ME.?

There are no control programmes that can shelter people from those who would try to get us to buy something, vote for someone, join a club or a cult or fall for some get rich quick scheme that’s "too good to be true." But sound judgment can go a long way.

AND IT STARTS WHEN CHILDREN ARE YOUNG.

The way teens and adults approach these decisions is usually based on lessons they learnt when they were young.

You can’t possibly prepare a person with a script that they can use to apply to every decision that they will ever make but you can at least strive to equip someone with the judgment skills to approach all decisions in a critical manner. Those critical thinking skills that we carry with us our entire lives are based on what we learn as children.

So, when it comes to safety on the Internet, don’t limit your thinking to pornography and chat rooms. In general what Children learn about Internet safety will stick with them even when they’re not online.

Confront the Issues

Open Communication is key

Talk to your children, share in their activities. Ask them how they use the Internet and ask them if they can think of ways that they can stay safe. Be open, supportive and as nonthreatening as possible. Children need to know that you won't overreact and take away their online privileges if they confide in you about troublesome people, material or situations they encounter online.

At the same time, enjoy the benefits that the Internet brings to each and every one of us.
Confront the Issues.

Also see the Childalert A-Z of Parenting under Internet Safety/ Guidance.


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